What’s your role in your reader’s life?

When I ask my doctor a medical question, she’s my expert. Her advice is authoritative, based on years of training to diagnose the problem and guide me to a solution.

When I meet with colleagues in my peer mastermind group, their advice comes from challenges they’ve overcome and insights they’re ready to share.

They know their role in my life and interact with me in an appropriate tone. The same is true for us as writers: understanding our role in readers’ lives helps us connect with them and interact with ease.

Matching Your Role to Your Reader

Ask yourself: Am I speaking to my reader like a friend, a formal expert, or a fellow traveler? 

Now ask yourself: Is that the right role? Because your answer drives your writing choices.

Some of my clients struggled with their manuscripts until they realized a mismatch. For example, some were writing in the tone of a chummy friend when their role is more accurately that of a coach or advisor on the page.

When they figured that out, they easily structured their writing. Examples, word choice—even paragraph length—fell into place. When your role aligns with your readers’ expectations, your writing becomes more intuitive. Land on your role and you’ll unlock your most authentic (and effective) voice.

Three Writers Who Got It Right

Over the years, I’ve noted how three writers approached this themselves: Anne Bogel, Annie F. Downs, and Lysa TerKeurst. They all refined their approach by dialing in their role in their readers’ lives.

Anne Bogel: “A Friend Who Knows Some Things”

In a podcast episode I listened to years ago (this is going by memory, because I can’t find the original¹), Anne Bogel said to Annie F. Downs that she struggled with finding the right voice or tone for one of her books.

She thought maybe she was writing as a “friend,” but realized, “I do know some things.” She decided a better role in her reader’s life would be, “A friend who knows some things.”

Anne lived with that for a few days or weeks, and that felt like a fit. When she landed on that role of “a friend who knows some things,” the writing flowed and she could see how to connect with her readers on the page.

If your readers view you as a knowledgeable friend, write in a way that feels both relatable and informed instead of formal and authoritative or too chummy. Share enough insight to establish credibility while maintaining a conversational, friendly tone.

Annie F. Downs: “Coffee with a Friend”

Annie F. Downs responded that her role is consistent with the brand she’d built, which she framed as: “I’m a friend you have coffee with…and sometimes we talk about Jesus.” This worked for her podcast, her books, and, presumably, her actual conversations over coffee. She understood how readers viewed her and could speak, write, and interact in a way that matched.

If that’s you, you can embrace the coffee-with-a-friend vibe by leaning into conversational writing geared for one specific person: put your reader at ease with personal anecdotes, drop in an occasional sentence fragment, create a parenthetical aside (like leaning in to whisper across the table at coffee), and don’t shy away from humor or vulnerability…because that’s what we would do if we were having coffee with a friend.

Lysa TerKeurst: Four Voices to Consider

Lysa TerKeurst takes this idea of roles a step further in an interview with Carey Nieuwhof, offering four “voices” authors can adopt to better understand and refine the way they connect and communicate with their audiences²:

• The Tower Voice: Sage-like authority telling you what you should/shouldn’t do (without personally opening up much). Best for readers seeking clarity or research insight from a trusted source. Peter Attia and Malcolm Gladwell fit this Tower Voice.
• The Teacher Voice: Research-backed advice with relatable vulnerability; often an instructor, teacher, or coach who suggests and guides without commanding. Brené Brown combines research with personal experience, confident in her teaching while modeling the vulnerability she’s known for.
• The In-the-Field Voice: Fellow traveler guiding readers through a shared experience. This is Lysa’s favorite, where she comes alongside readers to say, “Together, we can.” Glennon Doyle and Anne Lamott write with this sometimes messy tone, yet on the page, they manage to guide readers to a successful outcome.
• The In-the-Pit Voice: Emotional venting without solutions—avoid this when you’re disconnected from any kind of resolution. Everyone struggles, but if you’re in the pit, wait until you discover how to climb out before writing to an audience about the experience.

Discovering Your Role

To discover your role in your readers’ lives, think about the last few pieces you wrote. What role did you assume for your audience? Are you a subject matter expert, knowledgeable friend, a guide in the field, or a teacher offering insights?

Here are a few questions to help you think it through:

• Do your readers see you as a chummy friend who knows about a topic? Sounds like you’re a friend you’d have coffee with or a friend who knows some things. Focus on a warm, conversational style with relatable examples.
• Do readers come to you for authoritative, research-backed advice? You may be a Tower Voice. You can structure your writing on research, logic, and clear argumentation…and maybe a slightly more formal style.
• Do you share lessons from challenges you’ve overcome? That could be a Teacher Voice. If so, blend personal insights with frameworks or practical takeaways.
• Do you write as though you’re navigating struggles alongside your readers? That’s an In-the-Field Voice. Focus on shared experiences; vulnerability builds trust as you lead them to a positive outcome.
• Are you stuck in your struggle, inviting others to struggle with you, without offering hope or solutions? You might be In-the-Pit. Lysa recommends you pause before publishing and focus on getting out of the pit before writing about it. (I recommend that, too!)

If you’re unsure about your role, try this: Write one paragraph from a Tower Voice, starting with “Research shows…” Then rewrite it as an In-the-Field Voice: “When I struggled with this last year, I…”

Read both aloud. Which one feels like you?

Matching Writing Choices to Role

Study your examples, tone, and word choices, and ask if they suit you…and your readers.

Does formal, jargon-heavy language feel natural for you? If not, maybe you’re trying to write from the Tower when you belong in the Teacher or In-the-Field role.

Adjust your tone and try more conversational techniques: use contractions, engage with personal anecdotes, toss in an occasional sentence fragment, or share a vulnerable story. Pay attention to how your readers respond.

Write, publish, adjust, until you realize who you are in their lives.

Whether your readers are highlighting your book’s insights or relating to the shortcomings you share, your readers do see you in a role—you just need to figure out which one. Once you do, you’ll connect with readers better than ever and your writing will flow onto the page.

Footnote:

1. If this interaction sounds familiar and you remember the source, please contact me so I can update this post and add the citation.
2. Nieuwhof, Carey, host. “CNLP 327: Lysa TerKeurst on How to 10x Your Audience, Craft Messages that Actually Connect with People, and Discover Which Voice You Have as a Communicator.” The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast, Mar. 2020, https://careynieuwhof.com/episode327/. Accessed 29 Nov. 2025.

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