Honest affirmation is kind of like clicker training for writers.
It works especially well when you have the luxury of taking a long-range view, trusting that over time, the writer will self-correct the more confident he grows from knowing what he does well.
Sometimes, though, we don’t get that much time and have to point out a few things that would ideally be changed, eliminated, tweaked or rearranged to improve a writing project.
Offer Writing Input Using the 6:1 Ratio
The next best thing to rewarding the good with positive input and ignoring what’s not working is to put into place a 6 to 1 ratio of positive vs. negative feedback.
In the last episode, I encouraged anyone who reads and responds to a writer’s work—especially in workshops or among friends—to affirm, affirm, affirm what’s working.
I’m not talking about formal book reviewers. I’m thinking of someone in a writing group workshopping a short story or someone giving a friend feedback on a poem. If you’re in that kind of situation—helping steer someone and encourage their growth as a writer—err on the side of honest affirmation.
Note the word honest. A CNN article on criticism at work quoted a Denmark-based researcher who studies happiness at work. He says that praise, if delivered poorly—like when it seems obligatory or trivial…maybe kind of not-quite-honest praise—can have negative effects.
It makes us mistrust all future praise.
In the same article, leadership consultant Jack Zenger says that for praise to be constructive, it has to be specific and heartfelt. A passing “good job” or “well done” means very little. But when a manager takes the time to tell someone specifically what they did and the consequences it had, praise begins to have an extremely positive effect.
Think of It Like Clicker Training
Back in 2006, I read an article in the New York Times called “What Shamu Taught Me About Marriage,” by Amy Sutherland. She researched exotic animal trainers and how they could get hyenas to pirouette on command, cougars to offer their paws for a nail clipping, and baboons to skateboard.
That’s when Sutherland began to consider further applications of this system of rewarding good behavior and ignoring the bad. She wrote:
The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don’t. After all, you don’t get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband.
Tired of nagging her husband to change minor habits—like misplacing his keys or leaving used tissues behind—Sutherland switched to positive reinforcement. She began to thank him when he placed just one dirty shirt in the hamper, and then she stepped over soiled clothes still on the floor without saying a word.
She rewarded desired behavior and ignored the rest. At some point she revealed what she was doing—and even so, he basked in her gratitude, did what she desired, and the clothes made it into the basket.
Success came from pointing out what worked, affirming that, and ignoring what didn’t.
Apply This to Writers
Honest affirmation is kind of like clicker training for writers. It works especially well when you can take the long view, trusting that over time the writer will self-correct as they grow more confident from knowing what they do well.
In time, a writer will naturally begin to see areas to improve—by taking classes, reading books about writing, listening to others talk about good writing, and reading great writing.
When Affirmation Isn’t Enough
Sometimes we don’t have that much time, and we have to point out a few things that would ideally be changed, eliminated, tweaked, or rearranged to quickly improve a project. So affirmation alone won’t always get the job done.
People often say they want an “honest critique,” and by that they mean they want to know what’s not working. I assure them that my encouraging remarks are honest. But they really do want to know what’s not working and what they can change to make it better.
Bethany Rhode left a comment on the Affirm, Affirm, Affirm post:
I appreciated your well-rounded feedback on my writing. I remember more affirmation than critique. Ideally I should just take whatever comes my way in stride, but for me, the critique adds legitimacy to the affirmation and the affirmation helps the critique go down smoothly. I felt you offered a balanced serving of both.
I love the balance she describes: affirmation helps the critique go down smoothly, while critique adds legitimacy to the affirmation.
The Magic Ratio: 6:1
The next best thing to rewarding the good and ignoring what’s not working is to apply a 6:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback.
- A study from the University of Michigan Business School compared team performance to the frequency of praise and criticism within teams. The best-performing teams used about six positive comments for every negative one: 6:1.
- The worst-performing teams, on average, used three negative comments for every positive one: 3:1.
- American psychologist John Gottman found a similar ratio in marriages: more positive than negative comments lead to happier relationships.
So that 6:1 seems to be key.
How to Use 6:1 with Writers
If you see one thing you want the writer to change or adapt, look for six things going well in their work and no more than one suggestion or critique—6 to 1.
Remember: a vulnerable heart is pulsing on the page. Be tender and empathetic, knowing it could be scary for the writer to receive input.
When you review someone’s work:
- Share what’s working.
- Affirm excellent ideas, transitions, and sentences.
- Show them where they shine.
- Then gently reveal one thing that might need a tweak.
Put It into Practice
- Lead with specific, heartfelt praise.
- Keep a long view—affirmation builds confidence and skill.
- When needed, add one clear, compassionate suggestion.
- Aim for 6 positives to 1 negative.
The next best thing to rewarding the good with positive input and ignoring what’s not working is to put into place a 6 to 1 ratio of positive vs. negative feedback.
Related Resources:
- Positive Reinforcement: Reward What Works (Ignore the Rest)
- The Writing Life Podcast – Affirm, Affirm, Affirm
- Bethany Rohde‘s comment about ideally offering a balance of both critique and affirmation
- Can You Cope with Criticism at Work?
- What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
You want to write your truth (without AI)
Find your spark and hone your voice with guidance from a human writing coach
You’re ready to tell your story and write with confidence (without sounding like you’ve copied output from an AI chatbot)? Work with Ann Kroeker as your writing coach in her signature group program, Book-Ready Writers. You’ll sharpen your writing skills, gain confidence, and get the human input you’re looking for. Your spark is real. Let’s fan it into finished projects ready to publish.
