We parents joined the circle of junior high kids to pray together before sending them off on a week-long bicycle trip.“Let’s have a couple of people pray,” the youth pastor said, “and then we’ll have Scott close us, because, well, he’s the oldest dad here.”“Ouch!” one of the adults exclaimed. “Oh, Scott, I’m so sorry!” someone joked.Scott, by the way, is only a little bit older than me.Also, he wasn’t the oldest dad in the circle.But those details didn’t bother me as much as our responses. Why was it painful to be identified as old? Why do we cringe when someone points out signs of age?My 75-year-old father-in-law just came back from a trip to Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). “They respect age in Congo,” he remarked. “I was always given the best seat, and they listened and spoke to me as an honored elder among them.”One 90-degree day, he and his traveling companion (my brother-in-law “Oli”) were visiting some church leaders. In spite of the extreme temperatures, he and Oli wore suit jackets, because men tend to dress more formally there for meetings. When the meeting ended, Oli, concerned about how hot his father-in-law must be, said, “You can take that off now.”
The Congolese driver overheard and felt that Oli’s remark sounded bossy. The driver scolded him. “Don’t you speak to him like that! He is your elder!”In Congo and other places, we would be enjoying a new era of respect with the deepening of wrinkles and appearance of age spots. Instead, here in the States, it’s different. Age is to be feared. We’re frantically spreading cream on every laugh line and covering every gray hair—embarrassed to be identified as the oldest person in a group. In an age-phobic culture, we need to be reminded of true beauty from people like Dena Dyer, who recently came out with Let the Crow’s Feet and Laugh Lines Come! Rediscovering Beauty and Self-Worth at Any Age. And while the following video doesn’t necessarily increase respect for seniors or cause us to seek wisdom from those with life experience, we probably do need people like Anita Renfroe to help us laugh at the messages that the world sends out.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaruNs_7okY&feature=related]As fun as that video is, I do wish that our culture could see gray hair as a crown of splendor instead of something to be hidden under the color of youth as long as possible.In the meantime, I have a date. With Miss Clairol.Photos of my mother’s hands by Ann Kroeker © 2010Don’t miss reading “Rushed on the Road” and “Slow Down and Stay Cool” over at NotSoFastBook.com.
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Ann — I am having this debate with myself these last few months . . . color my hair or go gray naturally. I don’t have to decide yet, but my date with Miss Clairol can’t be put off too much longer if that’s the route I go.
I turn 40 this year, and though I feel a little of the normal angst, being a cancer survivor makes me extremely grateful to “get” to be 40. And if I can’t be grateful at 40, how will I ever be grateful for 80, Lord willing.
Love this post!
Wonderful note, Charity! Welcome to almost-40!
The thing I hate about covering gray is that I have to keep it up…no turning back, no turning back.
Ouch! This hits close to home. I’m turning 5 years from the big 50 in July. And, like Charity, I’m grateful to be this old. Yet, I feel so ‘old’ when I’m sitting in a room full of college Freshmen.
Ann, I love your articles, especially the one about the soccer goal your child made. That article touched my heart. You write about some very tough subjects. Thanks!
I’m only a tiny bit behind you, Stephie!
And thanks so much for your encouragement.
I’m not sure how things got so turned around in our culture, but they certainly have. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hanging onto one’s youth, but I don’t think that should come at the expense of both age and experience. God bless those laugh lines, I say.
Fearing and denying age…that’s what I want to avoid.
I want to stay strong, fit and healthy as possible as long as possible, and if that suggests youth, then I’m all for it.
Also, without descending into inappropriate or immature behavior, I definitely want to keep a youthful mindset–curious and learning and playful and open and joyful–my entire life.
But the laugh lines are here. And I want to embrace them because if I have them, it means I still laugh!
I needed this! I’m writing an article on tips for seniors–I need to go down the street buy Dena’s book, and read it really fast.
youth + inexperience vs. maturity + experience — which is better? … both … that is why I’m prepping myself for the next decade and beyond.
I just want to keep my smile… that’s the most beautiful thing everyone notices and draws people into our lives. People look into the eyes and feel the smile and joy behind them. and then they shine.
So true–smiles welcome people in, drawing them, inviting them. And from what I see in your photos, you do indeed have a beautiful smile and joyful, shining eyes!
Hi Ann! I didn’t know that people from Congo have high respect to their elders, and I honestly think that it’s wonderful to hear such fact. And what’s more, they do embrace age well, along with the wrinkles, age spots and the lot. Love your post Ann. Thanks! 🙂