My tween-aged daughters appreciated this outside, objective source of advice for determining the modesty of an outfit from The Secret Keeper website:
“Truth or Bare,” a set of modesty “tests.”
Obviously, a reader’s personal standards might be much more or much less conservative than this, but it’s a starting point to discuss modesty standards, and why they matter. Ultimately, they need to flow from a personal faith in Jesus Christ and a love for Him and desire to honor Him in every single way…as a temple of the Holy Spirit, how does that affect the way we dress? These are important questions to raise with young and developing girls who are thinking a lot about style and boys.
Just to give you an idea of what the Truth or Bare tests are like, the first one is “Raise and Praise.” To see if too much belly shows, raise your hands and see how high your shirt rides up. “Bellies are very intoxicating,” the text says, “and we need to save that for our husbands.”
The suggested solution? Layers. It suggests getting a ribbed tank top or tank top from the men’s department to wear underneath.
It goes through several other tests to test for whether or not cleavage (or for some tweens–future cleavage) is peeking out, undies showing, etc.
It’s set up for the girls to go through themselves, with photos of real girls in that tween age-range, happily giving the test a try.
With swimsuit season upon us, the girls and I have been talking a lot about modesty issues and principles on which to base our decisions. This has been an excellent tool that’s worked for us and opened up lines of communication.
I hope it helps launch healthy discussions in other households, as well.
** UPDATED: These “tests” can be implemented when girls are very young, so that even little girls get used to thinking about coverage. They’re good for grownup women to consider, as well. I pulled on a pair of brown slacks this weekend, bent over and looked in the mirror. Sadly, they failed the pantyline test…I either have to lose a little weight or donate them to Goodwill… **
For more WFMW ideas, return to Rocks In My Dryer, or take a moment to peruse my previous posts via my Works For Me Wednesday category.
Those tips are great!! I hope I remember them when my girlie is older!
Those are helpful – and it’s done in a tasteful way. Hmmm maybe they should have something similar for grown up girls (meaning the moms~)
It is hard to find modest age-appropriate clothes for my 8 yr old – so much of it is “trendy” and is the same outfit designed for a 13/14 yr old.
Kids are only young for so long – I’m happy to keep my dd young awhile longer.
I really appreciate you writing this. I have a friend who has been teaching these things to her girls from day one. They are now only three and six years old…but they already understand how to dress. I love it. She is establishing early in them what modesty…and femininity is. As a mother of boys…I really appreciate women who teach their girls to be godly and modest. Thank you.
We are THAT family says
We are firm believers in modesty. I have two little girls and we’ve already started. It really bugs me to go into the little girl stores and see Big girl or Bad girl stuff in their sizes. Thanks for posting this and for visiting me. It’s nice to meet you!
Kristen M. says
My husband is a youth pastor and one year a high school freshman came to the Christmas party wearing black leather pants and skin-tight sweater. Then she had the nerve to be upset when the boys got too “touchy” with her. I’ve done done the “modesty test” with girls in the youth group. They need to know that what they wear matters.
I realize I’m really late to the party, but I just had to say this. Yes, modesty is important, but please put the “touchy” blame where it belongs: the boys in the youth group. I assure you, it had *nothing* to do with what the girl was wearing. That poor girl had every right to have “the nerve to be upset” because she was being felt up against her wishes. As an authority figure, you had a duty to tell those boys what they were doing was wrong. That could have been a great opportunity for a youth group lesson, had the responsible adults in the room not been too busy putting all the blame on a young girl’s clothes. Whether you realize it or not, you’re perpetuated rape culture. Congratulations.
P.S. — I’ve been raped, so this is a very touchy subject for me. When it happened, I was wearing flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt two sizes too big for me. Tell me I deserved it. I dare you.
Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing this! I have a 9 year old dd, and we have regular discussions about modesty. Tonight she wanted to take her American Girl doll to church, but realized that the doll’s skirt was too short, so she changed her into something else. She told me that she wanted to be sure that her “daughter’s” outfit was “appropriate”. Love it!
Thanks again for sharing. 🙂
Hey – about the Jergen’s lotion – the bottle that I got actually came with a sample tube of their facial formula lotion! I forgot to mention that in my post. Oh well. So now you know, yes – they do make it for facial use as well! 🙂
Come visit me again sometime! 🙂
Angie @ Many Little Blessings says
Great link! Thanks for sharing it!
Thanks for posting this link. I decided it is never too early to begin teaching our girls how to be modest.
lisa (lost pezhead) says
my daughter is only 3, so we haven’t had any of the clothing battles yet….i get some shirts from shade and now they also have a girly line for young women…
Thanks for the link. My dd has some issues with too short skirts. We’ve always done the arms up test on shirts and dresses, but glad to have other shortcuts to pass along to her. They left off my favorite one though–just because it comes in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it.
Thank you! You inspired me to share more about my own feelings on modesty in my blog–something that I forget to write about, but that needs more advocacy in this day and age!
Thank you for teaching these important principles!
Modest Swimwear Designer says
It was very interesting to read about the different tests that swimsuits go through to be considered ‘modest.’ Thanks for sharing this information with us, it was very interesting!
I’m glad you bring this up. Some friends of mine recently were talking about modest swimsuits for our little girls…although they aren’t as little as they once were. It’s surprisingly hard to find modest swimsuits for teenagers. I found a great company for me that I’ve been more than happy with, HydroChic Modest Swimsuits http://www.hydrochic.com They don’t carry a lot of smaller sizes, but it’s still nice to see another modest swimsuit company offering choices.