Eileen Button, an acquaintance from the Festival of Faith & Writing, writes an opinion piece for a Michigan newspaper.
This one is about TV-free living.
She explains:
I know people who are not tempted by their own sets, but we were. Night after night, it beckoned us to watch it…We let it.
In the process, I’m afraid that it kept us from one another. As we sat in a darkened room with the mesmerizing images flickering before our eager eyes, we chose to communicate with technology rather than one another.
Something clicked, so to speak, and she and her husband realized they wanted more.
They wanted more with each other–more connection, more conversation, more fun and laughter–so they chose to do with less of the thing that stole time and diverted attention from each other.
They put away their TV.
They carried it out of the family room and banished it to the basement, only to be brought out for an occasional Wii-fest.
Their TV-free life resulted in long walks in the woods. Conversation. Unexpected hand-holding. Rearranging furniture to accommodate conversation instead of screen-staring.
I realize our decision to divorce ourselves from network programming will seem odd to some. I also realize it will require more of me as a parent. My children will want more of my time, laughter and conversation. They’ll ask me even more questions to which I have absolutely no answers. They’ll get into each other’s faces and want to fight. And, they’ll want to play board games even though board games make me want to poke my eyes out with a fork.
But I know there will come a day when my children will be grown and will no longer be available to me night after night. All that will remain of their childhoods is the memory of what it was like to have them.
Putting the TV completely away won’t work for everyone. Some families have chosen to limit instead of completely eliminate TV. Others find certain programs a pleasure to laugh through together and talk about later. And for many, it is their primary source of entertainment, and they wouldn’t dream of giving it up.
I don’t think Eileen is saying for an instant that a TV-free life is right for everyone.
She simply tells her story and ends with the gentle reminder that we must at least recognize that there’s a battle going on in our society–a battle for our minds, time and attention:
We must all decide for ourselves the degree to which we will engage with technology. Those who believe that spending hours upon hours with our sets rather than one another risk losing something more important than high quality reception.
Sobering advice from a mom reaping the benefits of a slower, lower-tech life.
Would you say you’re a high-volume TV consumer, or low to little?
And how much does it impact family interaction?
Join the discussions in the comments. I’m very curious.
23 Responses to Could You Live TV-Free?
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Thanks for sharing this article…we’ve lived without cable our entire married lives (almost 9 years now) and we make due with DVDs…our Wii….and the two stations that randomly come in from time to time…
I do prefer it quieter….for us, I think it’s this computer that keeps us from talking so much….hmmmm….any articles on too much blogging
??
We didn’t have a TV in the house when I was growing up. We had to entertain ourselves in other ways. We read books, rode bikes, and played with dolls, among other things. I rarely watch TV now, and I intend not to have one when I start a family of my own. I think it is too distracting and time-wasting.
Interesting you should post this right now. I am doing an experiment in my house. I haven’t said anything to the children about it, but the tv has been off for 3 days. I just tell them no if they ask, which has been surprisingly seldom. They are talking to each other more and spending more time drawing and playing outdoors. Of course, it’s been great weather. Maybe if it were ugly out we might be more tempted. But, so far, it has not been an issue at all. (shrugging shoulders)
I know what day it is by what’s on TV. I don’t have children, so that is one of my excuses as to why I don’t monitor my watching as much. I actually don’t have the TV on during the day. It comes on when my husband comes home and doesn’t go off until bedtime.
I am 68. I didn’t have TV as a child, and have never watched TV, although as another person mentioned, I spend a lot of time following news on my computer. I restricted my children to one hour each — they had sports practice and heavy private school homework. But, honestly, it did not obviously add to our time as a family.
To go sideways — My friend, Dr. Nan, family therapist, watches TV and attends all the movies — very important for her to understand the current “Zeitgeist” of society. If I had young children, I think it would be very important to watch TV and movies to see what the current cultural preferences and pressures are exerted upon our children.
However, I still believe that TV watching by children should me limited and monitored.
I am 68. I didn’t have TV as a child, adolescent, and have never watched TV, although as another person mentioned I spend a lot of time watching news on my computer. I restricted my children to one hour each — they had sports practices and heavy private school homework. But, honestly, it did not obviously add to our time as a family.
To go sideways, my friend, DR. Nan, family therapist, watches TV and attends movies — very important for her to understand the current “Zeitgeist” of society. If I had young children, I think it would be very important to watch TV and movies to see what the current cultural preferences and pressures are exerted upon our children. However, I still believe that TV watching by children should be limited and monitored.
We have canceled our cable vision which in essence makes the TV useless except as vehicle to watch DVD’s. I go in phases. My children are in grade 8 and they need all the time they can get to do their homework – play – socialize with friends.. I find the TV sucks too much of life… my son watched mostly the Discovery Channel – which in itself is not bad but he can fill his time with other things if the TV is not on… so that is what we are doing.
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hey there, Sarah weighing in…
we were t.v. free for years…and played a ton more games…why aren’t we now….we have a couple of guys that like to watch a few college football games, must of us enjoy House, I am not sure why…and then I enjoy the Duggars and John and Kate plus Eight, otherwise the t.v. isn’t on too much…my 8 yr. old is the most tempted by it….
we enjoy several of the classics in movie form, and some just plain sillies…
but I could live without it again quite easily…we didn’t have cable for years, we used to live in the boonies, but we could get the major channels for local news and weather, which is sometimes helpful living in tornado alley…
the comment about computering is a good one as well, and i see a real need for myself to reign in the amount of time I spend on it…whoops, one minute left to go!
We watch little to no TV. TV had (still has) far too prominent a place in the home where I grew up. I weaned off of it in college, when I wasn’t willing to pay for cable/didn’t have time to watch, and was determined that my own home would be different. We pretty much don’t watch it at all except for watching college football in the fall, This Old House on Saturday afternoons, and the occasional movie. My DS is 18 months old and doesn’t ever watch TV. Very rarely, usually on a weekend night, DH will turn it on out of boredom, but other than the house shows on PBS, we don’t have anything we watch regularly. We might watch more if we had more channels, but we have only the basic networks.
My parents’ TV is on all. the. time. If someone is home, it’s on. TV in the kitchen, TV in their bedroom, TV in the living room…UGH. It’s too easy to get sucked in and I think it definitely stifles family interaction. I don’t want to be self-righteous about it–I don’t think all TV is bad, and I waste way too much time on the computer to be judging anyone! But for us, very minimal TV is definitely a positive thing.
we turned off tv satellite a few months ago and I was convinced the kids would have a total melt down. They didn’t watch tons of tv, but when they did tune in, they were mesmerized. Especially my eldest boy, 9.
I wanted to pitch it years ago, but the hubster wasn’t on board. Then our lovely economy happened and we’re pinching pennies now. The satellite was the first to go. Yeah, answered prayer! We do have DVDs but there is only so many times you can watch Star Wars before one gets bored.
Now if I could just get them to lose their love for endless rounds of Spore (a computer game), I’d be eternally grateful. (hmm. methinks I need to pray about that one too.)
m
I would not want to live TV free–but I do believe in limits. So, I try and do that.
Oh, I knew I could count on you all to provide me with fascinating and varied input on this topic.
In case you’re wondering, I grew up watching a *lot* of TV, but we have gotten to where our own family watches very little. We don’t have a television on the main floor. We subscribe to the bare minimum cable in order to get the basic channels. I asked my kids if we were high, medium, or low TV-watchers. They all agreed, “Low. Very low. We hardly ever watch TV.” I asked if they miss it, and they said, “No.” We occasionally follow a show like American Idol, but not obsessively. If something special comes on a station we don’t get, they ask Grandma to record it for them–Grandma is happy to oblige, and it gives us a great excuse to get together with them.
I do think that DVRs and TiVo type devices are a great way to manage television, for those who want to keep up on certain shows or topics–watching at a time convenient to the family and having the option of skipping past commercials.
I wrote a chapter on television for my book, and I was curious what the intake was like among my blog-readers…and very curious to know if there would be stories here–stories of a negative or positive influence that television has had on a particular family.
Keep it coming–if more of you can share. It’s an interesting conversation that I’d like to continue reading and following!
Thank you to all who have offered your own stories–I really appreciate the time you took to write, explaining your decision and philosophy.
I have been TV-free for 8 years since I married a TV addict. I don’t miss it as much as I thought I might. Probably the worst part is people’s reactions when they learn I don’t have a TV (which I definitely do NOT advertise) . Most people are either tell me they watch very little TV “Really, just Masterpiece Theater. That’s all!” or go into confess mode about how much TV they watch and what a waste of time it is and how saintly I am to abstain.
I have two preschoolers and once in a while they will ask about it, but not as much as I’d have imagined. And I think not being exposed to food and toy ads is probably more of a benefit than I realize.
One disappointment was that I imagined I would be oh-so-productive once I didn’t have a TV. No such luck. I think perhaps the idea we can be productive all the time is a myth. Everyone needs some mindless entertainment sometimes.
We have been without TV for 11 years. Growing up, my family vacillated between moderate TV watching and no TV at all. Then…I married a man whose family *literally* watches TV during Christmas dinner. (Insert wide-eyed smiley face here…;-)) At my in-laws, if people are home and awake, the TV is on.
We had been married for about 18 months when I walked through the living room one day and said something to hubby while he was watching TV. I didn’t get a response, but I kept walking and didn’t even really realize I hadn’t received one. Apparently hubby suddenly realized what had happened, and when I came back downstairs, he said, “We need to get rid of the TV.” (Insert whole *row* of wide-eyed shocked smileys!!)
He said, “I suddenly realized that that was happening all the time, that I was getting so wrapped up in what I was watching that I wasn’t paying attention to you.” And just like that, out the door it went.
For the past two years we have had a TV monitor (which won’t play any type of broadcast TV) and VCR/DVD player. We check out movies from the library and have a Netflix membership. We use it for a variety of educational and entertainment purposes. I would say we are still in the low to low-medium range with watching. Often when we are watching it’s more of a planned “family night” kind of situation, and we tend to be pretty interactive watchers (i.e. lots of discussion going on while we watch).
We did go through a period at one point after we started doing DVD/VCRs that we were heading toward the “high” point…that the kids just got in the habit of having something on all the time. Hubby and I put the brakes on that a bit…started limiting and scheduling…but I’m realizing as I type that we rarely have to *enforce* that anymore. They enjoy doing creative things too much to spend all their time watching movies…they get bored with it.
I do have to admit that I have really come to enjoy watching episodes of various TV shows online (mostly crime dramas…Law and Order, Monk, CSI-NY, etc.). In the evening when I’m working at my desk after the kids are in bed, I’ll often have something playing in the background on my computer. Hubby likes to watch these with me sometimes.
Every once in a while, we talk about how nice it would be to have cable…Hubby would love to watch cooking shows, and science and history stuff, and I would love HGTV and the like…but we always decide it’s not worth it. (We also know that if we had it, there would be a good chance of our being sucked in and becoming TV zombies again..so for us, our current system is best.)
Interesting discussion…thanks, Ann, for starting it!
Ann Kroeker! I swear you can read my mind. Scary! Thank you so much. Couldn’t find the comments before so I sent you an email. Sorry…I think I was having a brain drain moment.
I grew up addicted to TV. It was like a drug, tune in and drop out. At times it has been the most effective way I found to turn off stress and relax.
We moved this year, and the tv is in the basement now… less appealing location, certainly not front and center of our home-life. We rarely watch now, and usually it is because we know of a particular event or show to watch, we don’t channel surf anymore. We broke a habit. Now in the evenings we read and talk.
My husband recently told this to a colleague and his colleague asked him, “what do you do all night?” He told him, “read, talk and kiss” His friend was amazed. I am grateful.
I’ve never been a big TV watcher. But I do find myself getting sucked in more and more by other types of technology. E-mail. Facebook. Twitter.
The other day I told a friend, “There must be bell curve for technology. On one side you’re less connected than you could be because you miss out on people (or events) you wouldn’t be in touch with otherwise. On the other side you’re so connected that you don’t have time for real community. Anne Jackson of flowerdust.net recently discussed that in a great article for Christianity Today (“Facebook Fast” – http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2009/02/the_social_netw.html).
Whether it’s TV or anything else electronic, I’m working on finding that sweet spot in the middle where technology enables me to do more of what matters most. I loved the quote from your article that said, “We all must decide for ourselves the degree to which we will engage with technology.”
Thanks for the thought-provoking discussion!
I would love to throw the TV out, but Hubster would die. Now the internet is a COMPLETELY different story. Neither of us could do without our computer, but especially me. We’ve been needing to have the keyboard repaired for months now, and it’s under warranty, but we can’t bear to go a few days without it!
We’ve been cable-free for over 10 years now. We have a tv, but it’s mainly used for the movies that we select to watch and the Wii scheduled times. I pretty much could care less about tv and all the commercials, not to mention most of the worthless shows. However, I have begun to watch AI, but that is only because The Girl begged to watch it with me. I now gladly sit down to watch the show, holding my daughter and talking about it. It’s a really good way for us to grow together and for me to release some of my hold on her in a good way.
The best think I love about being tv free is our Saturday routine. We get up and have a big family breakfast, spend time together and take care of things around the house. The kids never ask to watch cartoons because they forget that they’re even there, although we usually hear the petitioning for unscheduled Wii play. And sometimes we give in. What pleasure they get out of that answer!
[...] February 28, 2009 in Uncategorized After a brief brownie diversion on Friday, I thought we could return to the discussion launched the other day with my post, “Could You Live TV-Free?” [...]
My parents moved from the East coast to the west coast when they were newlyweds. My mom’s one request (or so the story goes) was to leave the TV set behind. I grew up for the first 12 yrs with no TV. Then my dad bought a TV/Vcr combo, but we lived so far from civilization, that you can’t pick up any channels. My parents are able to monitor what is being watched for the most part then.
Now married, we have two small TV’s. Both which rarely get turned on, no cable. (One is actually sitting on the dryer in the spare room)
If I want to watch a show, I will do so online, and normally only shows that we both enjoy. I really prefer picking up a book, or reading things online.
I think not having TV growing up has made me less susceptible to advertising in general. I like to mute the commercials and enjoy the funny ones the most. I tend to live by the thought, the more money spent convincing me I need something normally means, two things. 1. it’s harmful to me(food product wise) or 2. it should be on the bottom of my need’s list.
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